I tried to do it alone and I failed.
Today is World Mental Health Day.
If you’ve been following my posts, you know that I champion Mental Health and that I have a history of mental ill health: anxiety, depression, and burnout.
Over the years I have learnt to manage these issues and I have adapted my life to include a lot of selfcare and to prioritise my wellbeing. I have also spoken openly about my ill health and got rid of the feelings of shame and inadequacy I was experiencing in the past.
It worked for a good number of years – until earlier this spring when my anxiety started spiralling out of control. There were triggering factors which I worked to address, but my usual ‘tricks’ did not seem to be enough anymore.
I was good(ish) at ‘masking’ at work but at home I knew of the impact on my loved ones which was making things worse. I increased the selfcare, took some time off, but to no avail.
That’s when I decided to get professional help.
The solution I was dreading was mentioned: medication.
At first, I refused to take it.
My own experience – I was first prescribed Xanax at the age of 16 – and those of close ones when I was younger, was not a positive one.
I continued to soldier on, hoping things would improve, but I knew deep down that I needed something more drastic.
I started reading about my medication options and talking to people about their experience of it. I soon realised that my fears might be unfounded, that medicines had improved and that maybe I should give it a go.
I started taking citalopram in May this year and I have not looked back.
At first, I felt guilty.
My inner critic was whispering that I had given up the fight and was going for the ‘easy’ option. I worried ‘people’ would judge me and think I was weak, or worse, unprofessional – a coach and Mental Health First Aider who takes medication for anxiety?!
I soon realised that I was projecting.
The people I spoke to were very supportive. I also know that it led some of them who were also struggling to explore their own options.
How are things now?
I am OK. Really OK. More than OK actually! 😀
I am proud of myself, my whole self – medicated or not.
I am proud of my journey and I am proud to be raising awareness for World Mental Health Day today, and on the 364 other days of the year.
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What about you?
Are you prioritising your mental health?
Do you feel comfortable talking openly about your feelings?
Do you need to ASK FOR HELP?
If things get tough:
• Tell someone you trust or a GP
• Call The Samaritans for emotional support in full confidence 24 hours a day:116 123 - it's FREE
• Text Shout to 85258 for support in a crisis
• Call Rethink Mental Health on 0808 801 0525
• Call the Mind info line on 0300 123 3393
I work with my coaching clients to develop plans which are achievable and sustainable to avoid overwhelm, get in touch if you think you need help with this.