Lonely and ashamed…

I’ve been there…

I have had my fair share of battles with mental ill health from depression to anxiety and burnout, but something that I perhaps talk less about is LONELINESS.

After the break-up of my marriage, my life situation changed radically: I was only seeing my kids every other week - which meant one week was full on with a full-time job and 3 young kids to look after, while the next was disconcertedly quiet, sad, and mainly focused on recovering from the previous week and preparing for the next. 

I was struggling on all fronts: on a practical level, mentally, emotionally, financially, even my physical health deteriorated.

And this is the time when my social network* gradually disintegrated, something I am sure will be familiar to those who have experienced divorce as it seems to go hand in hand sadly. My family was supportive but there is so much you can do from a distance, in a different country. This is when I started feeling lonely.

Loneliness is the feeling we experience when there is a mismatch between the social connections we have and those that we need or want. It is something that most of us experience in our life at times, but that can have serious effects on our mental health when experienced chronically or long-term.

It took me a while to recognise the emotion (you can also be surrounded with people and still feel lonely which makes it even more difficult to identify).

It took even longer to admit to myself (and others!) that this was how I felt. I was ASHAMED - surely if I felt isolated or like I didn’t belong, there was something wrong with me. My sense of self-worth, already affected by the break-up, took a big nose-dive.

It wasn’t until a few months later, that things took a more positive turn: I was visiting my GP for my physical health, and she asked me the one question that I could not handle: “How are you?” I burst into tears and admitted I was lonely. I thought she would brush it off, but she took it very seriously and sign-posted me to the right support. The rest is history.

Sharing this is my way to help reducing the stigma around loneliness. 

It is the theme chosen by the Mental Health Foundation for this year’s Mental Health Awareness Week campaign. A study by the Foundation has indeed shown that loneliness was almost 3 times that of pre-pandemic levels during lockdowns and has negatively impacted the mental health of millions. The campaign aims to bring loneliness to the light and highlights how we can reduce loneliness as we continue to come out of the pandemic.

Let’s break the stigma and talk openly about how we feel, so that no-one feels ashamed anymore to admit that they are lonely, and they can access the support they need.

*bar a few supportive people I will always be grateful for, they know who they are. Thank you. 

===

#IveBeenThere #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek⁠ #loneliness #wellbeing #wellness #selfcare #resiliencebuilding #rest #relaxation #enjoylife #mentalhealth #stressrelief #burnoutprevention #stressmanagement #mindfulness #healing #mentalhealthawareness #burnout #depression #anxiety