Sleeping well but still feeling completely exhausted?

You are not the only one!

After suffering from two burnouts, I am very mindful of looking after my wellbeing and of getting my 8-hour sleep (hasn’t happened lately for lots of reasons and working on getting back to my routine!).

Yet stumbling across a TED Talk by Saundra Dalton-Smith who explains how sleep and rest are not the same things made me realise that I was perhaps not handling my down time properly.

Many of us consider the terms ‘sleep’ and ‘rest’ to be interchangeable, but she tells us that there’s more to it than that: “we go through life thinking we’ve rested because we have gotten enough sleep—but in reality, we are missing out on the other types of rest we desperately need.”

There are seven different types of rest: physical, mental, spiritual, emotional, social, sensory, and creative. Each type of rest has its own characteristics that will present if you have a deficit.

Here I share how I have made adjustments to my habits and my environment to help me replenish regularly and make sure I don’t fall back into my old ways.

 

1.      Physical Rest

The first type of rest we need is physical rest, which can be passive – like sleeping or napping – or active. Active physical rest means restorative activities such as yoga, stretching and massage therapy that help improve the body’s circulation and flexibility.

How Physical Rest deficit shows up:

You’ll know if you’re physically exhausted: you’re struggling to keep your eyes open, and even just walking round the house feels like trying to complete an iron man competition.

Signs that you have an active physical rest deficit could be body aches and pain such as swelling in your legs and feet after sitting at your desk for long periods of time; tension in your shoulders or back.

What I do to restore it:

·       Being mindful of not getting too many work or social evening engagements during the week, and as I work flexibly, planning a later start the following day so that I can get enough shut eye time.

·       Getting in my pjs and ‘bed-ready’ straight after dinner so that I can go to bed as soon as I start feeling tired – this is my extreme fatigue routine which I keep until I start feeling less exhausted.

·       Going up and down the stairs and stretching regularly during my workday.

·       Attending a weekly or bi-weekly group workout in my local park.

·       Yoga classes used to be a regular occurrence during my week but struggling to fit them in at the moment, so now fitting in a few yoga moves as and when my body needs it.

 

2.     Mental Rest

Have you ever felt like your brain has completely turned to mush? I have and I even went to my doctor to get tested for early onset dementia. Struggling to focus, to produce intelligible sentences or to retain information, can be quite unsettling (more on this in another blog) and can be caused by a whole range of issues, but one of the first things to try to get improvements on is to get more mental rest.

How Mental Rest deficit shows up:

Negative thoughts, developing a harsh inner dialogue, getting irritable, struggling to hold on to and recall information, having a difficult time concentrating at work are all signs of a mental rest deficit. So are lying down to go to sleep at night with your mind racing, unable to fall asleep, or waking up feeling as if you never went to bed.

What I do to restore it:

·       Scheduling regular short breaks every two hours during my workday to remind myself to stop and slow down long enough to rest my mind (and do some stretching as mentioned above).

·       Blocking some time in my diary for a lunch break – no more eating mindlessly in front of my computer. When the weather permits, I take my lunch in the garden or go for a walk round the block to ground myself.

·       Keeping a notepad on my desk or by my bed to jot down nagging thoughts or things I don’t want to forget to ‘free’ my mind and give space for new information.

·       Having regular worry times (read more tips on stress management here: https://christellekerouedan.com/blog/tag/Stress+management).

·       Being disciplined with myself, managing my workaholics tendencies and reminding myself that ‘doing my best’ does not mean working myself to the ground! – see also how I prepare myself and my business ahead of holidays to avoid additional stresses here: https://christellekerouedan.com/blog/ill-sleep-when-im-dead.

 

3.    Emotional Rest

Emotional rest specifically refers to the rest we experience when we feel like we can be real and authentic in how we share our feelings.

Many of us carry what we call ‘emotional labour’ which arises when we hide our feelings without giving them the opportunity to be expressed and to heal.

It can present itself as the parents that shield their children from bad news to protect them or the manager who doesn’t share the true picture of a business’ financial situation to protect the moral of their employees.

How Emotional Rest deficit shows up:

The symptoms of an emotional rest deficit are feeling that you always have to keep your emotions in check, that you never have the freedom to be truly authentic about what you’re feeling. Feeling unappreciated or taken for granted is another sign of an emotional rest deficit.

What I do to restore it:

·       Journaling to put down to paper these emotions and feelings I might not be able to share.

·       Having strong healthy boundaries and knowing how to say ‘no’.

·       Keeping people pleasing habits in check.

·       Identifying the relationships that replenish me and those that exhaust me; making time for the former, eliminating the latter completely or limiting them as much as possible.

·       Prioritising face to face relationships.

 

4.    Social Rest

Social rest deficit usually goes hand in hand with a lack of emotional rest.

This occurs when we fail to differentiate and strike a balance between those relationships that revive us from those relationships that exhaust us.

Most of us spend the majority of our time with people who are pulling from our social energy, like our spouse, kids, co-workers, or our clients. It’s not that they’re negative people, but they’re negatively pulling from our energy, because they need things from us.

How Social Rest deficit shows up:

You find yourself saying “Can I just get a moment for me?” You feel like everybody is taking, and you never feel like anybody is ever pouring into you or contributing back into your life.

What I do to restore it:

·       Managing my work and social engagements carefully: as an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) with a nervous system constantly on alert, social interactions are particularly exhausting, so I plan my days to ensure I don’t have more than 3 meetings/calls every day and that I have plenty of time in between to replenish.

·       Spreading social engagements over several weekends to make sure I have time to rest and be by myself each week.

·       Spending time with positive and supportive people who don’t need anything from me, where we just enjoy each other’s company and each other’s presence.

·       Planning regular time alone gardening, catching up on DIY or upcycling furniture.

·       Letting my kids and partner know when I feel like having time alone or when I need them to start pouring into my cup.

 

5.    Spiritual Rest

Spiritual rest is the ability to connect beyond the physical and mental, and to feel like we belong and that we are contributing.

Spiritual rest needs will vary based on someone’s own belief system and different individuals will need to connect to that desire for meaning through various ways such as a community, a work culture where they feel like what they do matters, or via a faith-based culture.

How Spiritual Rest deficit shows up:

Someone in need of spiritual rest might start feeling afloat, unanchored, or alone.

What I do to restore it:

·       Seeking a sense of purpose: I am not religious so practicing would not bring me much solace, instead I seek grounding in the work I do within my coaching practice, supporting professionals and business owners, helping them flourish without burning out or losing the things that matter to them.

·       Being present: it’s hard to do when my mind is racing at 100 miles an hour but if my mental rest needs are satisfied, I can be present for my kids, my partner and my friends which helps me feel anchored.

·       Being of service and volunteering: I keep some time for pro-bono work for those who cannot afford my coaching services which allows me to contribute to the greater good, gives me a sense of community and makes me feel like I matter.

 

6.    Sensory Rest

Bright lights, computer screen, background noise of phones ringing and multiple conversations going on in the office can all cause our senses to become overwhelmed and can lead to sensory overload syndrome if unchecked.

Whether or not you are consciously aware of the sensory input around you, your body and your subconscious self are going to respond.

How Sensory Rest deficit shows up:

The number one way most of us respond to sensory overload is irritation, agitation, rage, or anger.

What I do to restore it:

As an HSP with an easily triggered nervous system, I am even more prone to sensory overload and have developed ways to cope better with it:

·       Avoiding situations that might make it worse such as open plan working – working from home has been a massive boon for me during the pandemic and really highlighted how much I have had to cope with for so many years unconsciously  – and if I can’t avoid it, I arrive early to choose a desk that supports my needs to be a little more removed from the intensity of office life.

·       Wearing headphones with my favourite music on.

·       Blocking quiet focused time in my diary.

·       Turning off my camera during meetings when there are more than half a dozen attendees.

·       Keeping my desk and home office (and house generally!) tidy.

·       Burning candles with calming scents.

·       Closing my eyes for a few minutes regularly.

·       Limiting sounds of notifications.

·       Limiting my use of electronics (read a paper book rather than an e-one for example).

 

7.     Creative Rest

The last type of rest is creative rest.

"This type of rest is especially important for anyone who must solve problems or brainstorm new ideas” states Dr Saundra Dalton-Smith.“Creative rest is the rest we experience when we allow ourselves to appreciate beauty in any form. Whether that’s natural beauty, like the oceans and the mountains and the trees, or created beauty, like art, music, and dance”, she continues.

How Creative Rest deficit shows up:

A lot of us don’t think about ourselves as creative. Because of this, replenishing our energy in that area might not come to us naturally, but Creativity is more than just art; it’s any type of innovation. Someone in need of creative rest might have a hard time being innovative, brainstorming or might find problem-solving difficult.

What I do to restore it:

·       Walking in the local park without being on the phone with someone or listening to a podcast, trying to be as present as possible.

·       Spending some time playing with my cats or just watching them be, sleep or play together.

·       Surrounding myself with objects that bring happy memories, photos of people I love, pieces of art I have sourced and enjoy.

·       Going to art galleries or exhibitions and chat with the artists about their work and sources of inspiration.

·       Going to my favourite coffee shop and watching the world go by (bonus if I can sit outside and feel the sunshine on my face with eyes closed).

 

This hasn’t happened overnight though, and I am still very much experimenting.

I sometimes lack the discipline and I often must remind myself to check-in and to recharge in the areas where I need it the most.

 

What about you?

Where do you need to start?

Remember micro-stepping?

I’d recommend you identify the place of greatest deficit and put a mini-plan in place to get you started. Then when you have this under control, move to the next one.

Make sure you keep the tactics you develop small enough to be easily implemented even when you are running at 100 miles an hour.

I work with my coaching clients to develop plans which are achievable and sustainable, get in touch if you think you need help with this.

 

Watch Dr Dalton-Smith TED Talk here:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGNN4EPJzGk

Fatigue can also be associated with numerous health problems, so please get checked out by your doctor if it persists.